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Coach Jeremy's Thoughts

The 5 Stages of Grief – Depression

5 Stages of Grief Depression

Written By: Coach Jeremy Williams

In my last post, we looked at the third Stage of Grief; Bargaining. Today we look at Depression.

Depression is the point at which we begin to understand the reality of the loss. Bargaining no longer provides a sense of control over the situation, and now reality sets in.

In this stage, the loss we experienced can create amplified emotions. The fog of the loss that was created in the first 3 stages begins to subside, and the feeling of loss rises to the surface. The loss is a reality, and in this stage we’ve come to realize that we can no longer avoid the reality.

Like bargaining, we shift our thinking inward, and the feeling of sadness becomes more prevalent. In these situations, we may remove ourselves from social situations, and will close ourselves off to those we love and trust. Though this is a natural progression, depression is isolating.

If you find yourself in this stage, you’re not alone. Seek help. If you’re unaware of local resources in your area, reach out to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, part of the U.S. Department of Health & Human Services, and they can assist you with a treatment referral and provide you with contact information for local services. Contact 1-800-662-4357. They are available 24/7, 365 days a year.

Tomorrow will focus on the final stage of Acceptance.

Read the 1st of the 5 Stages of Grief – Denial

Read the 2nd of the 5 Stages of Grief – Anger

Read the 3rd of the 5 Stages of Grief – Bargaining

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Coach Jeremy's Thoughts

The 5 Stages of Grief – Bargaining

5 Stages of Grief Bargaining

Written By: Coach Jeremy Williams

I’ve addressed the first 2 stages of the 5 Stages of Grief, Denial and Anger in earlier posts, today we move into the 3rd Stage of Grief; Bargaining.

When dealing with a loss whether it was property damage from the Texas storm, a loved one, going separate ways after a longtime friend, or any other challenge life throws our way, goal number one is to minimize the pain that comes from that loss. Dealing with a loss can cause us to look for alternative solutions to cope and avoid the pain. Bargaining is typically calling on a higher power, or calling upon something bigger that can change the outcome of the perceived loss. Listening to our gut, a realization sets in that more than likely there is nothing that will change the outcome for the better. That small, still voice in our head reminds us of the reality.

That feeling of not being able to influence the outcome to our benefit leads to bargaining, and bargaining gives a sense of control over the situation. Bargaining turns us looking inward at our own personal contribution to the situation and/or regrets. We start looking at the roadmap of the relationship with someone or the situation being faced with that is a challenge. Questions like the following may begin to form in your head.

Why did I lose touch with this individual over the years?

Why was I not prepared like I should have been to protect my property and family from a situation?

Haven’t you heard or personally experienced bargaining like “God if only XXXXXX, I will turn my life around.”

In this stage, we will recall situations in which we’ve maybe not been the nicest person, or we’ve taken an action that led to hurting someone else; even if it was completely unintentional. We wish we had that magic time machine to go back and create a better outcome. We begin to form absurd assumptions that if something happened differently in the past, we would not be experiencing the pain of today.

Tomorrow and Friday, we will wrap up with a note on Depression and finally Acceptance. If you’re finding yourself dealing with any of these stages, know you’re not alone, and be okay with asking for professional help.

Read the 1st of the 5 Stages of Grief – Denial

Read the 2nd of the 5 Stages of Grief – Anger

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Coach Jeremy's Thoughts

The 5 Stages of Grief – Anger

Written By: Coach Jeremy Williams

Yesterday, I focused on Denial which acts as a mechanism to handle and absorb what we are experiencing in our lives. Today I will dive into the next stage of the 5 Stages of Grief; Anger.

This last week in Texas, many individuals lost personal property from the damage created by the storm. Some of the damage is repairable, while others lost personal effects that can never be replaced. Whether it is going through an experience of property loss, loss of a loved one, divorce, or some other challenge, it is common to experience anger. This is not an abnormal emotion. Experiencing the anger is simply a process that is experienced to help adjust to a new reality. Anytime you have a change in reality it can create discomfort and trigger a pain point. The emotion of anger is an outlet to the feelings we have inside, and it can be relatable to a teapot releasing steam.

Anger doesn’t require vulnerability, and socially anger is generally accepted over admitting to having fear or being weak. Anger is simply an expression of a bottled up emotion that those who witness often refrain from judgement or rejection. Anger can create the internal feeling of being isolated from the world, and others may be cautious in your presence, which can fuel the isolation in a time when comfort and reassurance is needed. (Side Note: If you have the experience of being in the presence of somebody that is angry, it may be a cry out for help.)

Don’t dismiss the emotion of anger. It is natural and part of the process of dealing with loss. For those dealing with loss, know you’re not alone, and know that it is okay experiencing anger; you just can’t stay there. Tomorrow I will dive into bargaining.

Read the 1st of the 5 Stages of Grief – Denial

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Coach Jeremy's Thoughts

The 5 Stages of Grief – Denial

5 Stages of Grief Denial

Written By: Coach Jeremy Williams

This week I will tackle the five stages of grief, and how learning about our emotions can help us deal with difficult challenges in our lives. While this can apply to losing a loved one, it can also be applicable to losses that individuals experienced this last week in Texas. I trust this may help someone that is reading this today and in the week to come. I will preface that I am not a psychologist, and I’ve been studying human thoughts and behaviors since 2010 as a coach. The 5 Stages of Grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Today we dive into denial.

Denial is a copying mechanism that helps us endure the pain that is attributed to a loss or challenge in our lives. Denial can assist us in the process of facing a reality, and it can help with dealing with the emotional side effects that can be attributed to a loss or challenge. It can be difficult when things seem to be hitting on all cylinders, and bam, something happens that removes us from our typical norms; the loss of a loved one, divorce, frozen and busted pipes creating extensive property damage.

When we lose something that is important to us, our reality will shift. This shift in mindset may require time for us to make an adjustment to the new reality. We spend time reflecting on the experiences of what we’ve lost, and we wonder how to move forward without.

The thoughts that flood our head can be a lot to process, and it can be painful. Denial acts as a braking mechanism to slow us down so we can walk through the steps one at a time. This slowing down process also keeps us from being emotionally overwhelmed.

Denial is the mind’s way of pretending that the loss/new reality doesn’t exist. It also allows us to handle and absorb what we are experiencing. Tomorrow we will look at the next step of the Five Stages of Grief; Anger.